im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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