Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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