There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
