I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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