I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
