my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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