so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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