ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
