Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
