how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
