i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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