Pregnant stripper...not hot.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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