"it" just moved
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
