I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
