i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
