My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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