Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize