i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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