Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ladies don't puke and tell
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
