I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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