Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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