Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
