Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
