Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A+ Viking dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize