I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
