OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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