last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
