Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I die, sorry about rent.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
