I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
