yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
