high people should be assigned attendants
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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