You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
