Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
