She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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