bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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