He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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