Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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