WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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