Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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