I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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