How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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