She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
