"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
