So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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