Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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