i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
