then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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