I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
