Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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