I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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