dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
