i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
