On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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