She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
