I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
