so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
