M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
