so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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