Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize