Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
