I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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