I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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