I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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