Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
