Cold hands, warm shart.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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