also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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