my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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