Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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