I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
