Kiss
Puke
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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