there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
