New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
