I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
