I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize