so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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