Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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