Sober January is a disaster.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
