Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
