i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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