im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
