If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
