fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
