So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
