Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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