She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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